When we avoid saying what we feel, weend up resentful and angry.
Youre turningtowardthe relationship rather than away from it, says Ross.
Discord or disagreement [in a relationship] is often the vehicle for growth.
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Going for any of these low blows is certainly not a productive fighting tactic.
One of the keys to fighting fairly is to stay in your own lane, says Ross.
clinical psychologist
Your behavior is not their fault, as we are all responsible for our own behaviors.
These might look like: Whats the most upsetting or sad or bothersome part of X?
or How have you been feeling about X?
or What do you mean when you say X?
But thats because youre focusing on the situation and not the feeling.
Ask yourself, When have I felt something like what theyre describing?
The threat of stonewalling is perhaps the best example of unfair fighting, says Ross.
So long as you feel physically and emotionally safe, aim to stay engaged in the conversation instead.
And modeling this kind of vulnerability will invite your partner to do the same, she adds.
clinical psychologist
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