How To Tell if Your Desire To Be Self-Sufficient Is Actually Toxic Hyper-Independence—And What To Do About It

The line between self-sufficiency and toxic hyper-independence is thin.

Experts share how to tell the differenceand solve for the latter.

And the allure of being perceived as aself-made success can make independence the ultimate goal.

Perhaps youve witnessed it in a friend who smiles away every offer of help.

(Virgo much?)

Or maybe youve foundyourselfstriving to avoid asking for support.

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But what happens when self-reliance goes too far?

Why is hyper-independence problematic?

To understand the potential effects of hyper-independence, its useful to consider its origins.

Even those who initially feel proud of their self-sufficiency will eventually lose steam, says Pare.

What are the key signs of hyper-independence?

Being able to adequately recognize toxic independence is the first step in preventing further escalation.

Consider a person who had an emotionally abusive parent or one who failed to meet a core need.

Instead, this person may default to not relying on anyone and similarly resist anyone relying on them.

For Pare, it starts with redefining what it means to accept support and softening dominant thoughts around independence.

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Extending self-compassion and grace is a more fruitful strategy than expecting an immediate mindset shift.

Leggins also highlights the importance of community care.

Eventually, larger requests for support will feel more natural and less daunting.

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