Negotiation can help couples reach a happy medium.
When people dont take the time to listen to each other, they lose relational awareness, she says.
Without listening, we make assumptions and react.
And often, we move towards agreements that we dont even fully agree to.
This creates an imbalance and with imbalance eventually comesresentment.
Creating space for silence is easier said than done.
licensed marriage and family therapist
Silence is uncomfortable because it allows for our real feelings and thoughts to surface, says Earnshaw.
It might feel like losing control or like giving the other person the upper hand.
Maybe we even worry people will think that we dont know what to say next.
Negotiation shouldnt feel like a win-lose situation, she says.
When negotiating with someone you love, start with a commitment to create a win-win agreement, says Earnshaw.
One way to do this is by establishing the difference between must-haves and nice-to-haves.
Once youve determined your must-haves, Earnshaw says to include those in whatever creative agreement you come up with.
Plus, remember that its only temporary.
When people see a solution as only temporary they are less likely to dig their heels in.
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