Ultimatums in a relationship are ocassionally a good idea when they’re motivated by respecting values-based deal breakers.

Making a purchase through our links may earn Well+Good a commission

Ultimatums in relationships are undoubtedly risky business.

But is there a world in which relationship ultimatums can drive a partner to make a positive decision?

alt

In other words: Can ultimatums ever be a good idea?

And thats precisely why ultimatums are often synonymous with threats.

Relationships and marriage are considered to be areas that individuals should enter with freedom and enthusiasm.

Two people’s legs touch under a table as they work on their laptops.

relationship expert and former sociologist for Tinder and Bumble

You might simply say something like, Im not okay with you being in touch with your ex.

It also sets a precedent for future ultimatums to be issued, should that clearly stated boundary be crossed.

How to deliver a good ultimatum effectively

In a few words?

Books on grief are seen floating against a backdrop of clouds.

Not when youre angry or upset.

Is this thing really a deal-breaker right now for your true self?

Got it, you’ve been added to our email list.

alt

Michelle Monaghan, Carrie Coon, and Leslie Bibb in The White Lotus, symbolizing toxic friendships.

relationship expert and former sociologist for Tinder and Bumble

alt

Courtesy Berkley Publishing