Over time, these types of touchpoint differences in behavior can become cemented as long-term relationship conflict.

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Each partner becomes completely narrowed in their distinct caricature of themselves.

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Take a person who wishes their partner would show their affection more readily.

In most cases, this comes down to owning the opposite persons script.

For example, consider again the couple where one partner is always late.

Two people’s legs touch under a table as they work on their laptops.

psychotherapist, relationship expert, andNew York Timesbestselling author

Maybe theyre coming home late from work, and in this case, theyve missed dinner with their kids.

But what theyre really saying to their partner is, I had something more important than you.

I am interdependent with you, and I value you.

Books on grief are seen floating against a backdrop of clouds.

And thats all because their partner flipped their usual script.

…

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Michelle Monaghan, Carrie Coon, and Leslie Bibb in The White Lotus, symbolizing toxic friendships.

psychotherapist, relationship expert, andNew York Timesbestselling author

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Courtesy Berkley Publishing